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Thinking Too Deeply
Apr. 10th, 2011 03:02 am"I'm so tired, but I can't sleep. Standing on the edge of something much too deep." Song Lyrics
from I Will Remember You by the amazing Sarah McLachlan
There are times when I use song lyrics to express how I'm feeling and now seems to be one of
those times. As I sit here listening to the rain fall and the thunder in the distance getting
ever so close, my mind wanders. This is never a good thing because when my mind wanders I begin
to think way too much and I don't like thinking too deeply. Oh how I wish I could sleep but right
now it's not to be. So what do I do when I can't sleep? I turn to the oh so faithful journals.
I'm hoping that writing will give me the peace i need so that I can try and this time succeed to
sleep once again.
Today I'd like to talk about secrets, not just any secrets but relationship secrets.
Why is it that when someone claims to like you and want to be with you, they don't wish for
anyone to know? Is it because they are ashamed of you? Are they ashamed of who they are? Is it
because they have someone else in mind that they wish to be with instead and just don't want to
tell you? Are they afraid of what others will think? Are they merely playing with your head and
hoping that you won't find out? Why would someone want to keep you a dirty little secret? These
are questions that I wish I had answers to.
There is this person who shall remain nameless for right now as I don't think it's fair for me to mention names when said person isn't here to defend themselves, or explain their reasoning for feeling the way they do. So this person is interested in me and has expressed this and talks to me on a daily basis about their feelings. One day we got into a discussion about dating and they told me that if we were to get together, we'd have to hide the relationship as they don't want their friends, parents or people that live in their building to know about us. My first question to said person was of course, why? I said I don't like having to hide it when I'm with a person, if i'm with someone I want everyone to know. If I'm with someone, I'm proud to be with them and if you have to hide who you choose to date then the relationship is not worth being in. I then said I will not be someone's dirty little secret. Instead of answering my question or responding to what I had expressed, said person changed the subject and refused to talk about it anymore. I then get angry and walked away from the computer. That night after coming back to my keyboard the person in question messaged me and tried to talk to me like nothing was wrong. Now I have apparently become distant to this person and I have hurt them because of my lack of attention to them. Well, I'm sorry but it hurt me when this person said that I'd have to stay a secret. I won't do it, I can't. I have more self respect than that. If I won't be accepted by this person's family, friends or people they hang out with in their apartment building then this person needs to find someone who doesn't mind being kept hidden because that person isn't me.
That's not the only thing that has been on my mind as of late. I just feel as if I'm stuck in a rut with life and failing epically at everything. I know this isn't the case otherwise i wouldn't have my jobs and the people in my life that i care deeply about. I do miss some in my life who I feel i have lost over the past years. Right now, one friend in particular comes to mind. This friend and i used to be so close and now i feel as if I have lost him for good. We don't really talk like we used to and i feel like I don't even know who he is anymore. I know this person reads my journal and I'm hoping he will read this and we can begin to repair our friendship. I do miss him very much.
Well, the rain has relaxed me and i think I can try and sleep again. Oh how i love the sound of the falling rain and the light thunder. It's very soothing. The storm we are getting right now was supposed to be a severe one but it would appear that it isnt' going to be. I can handle this.
Yay! I in my deep thinking have let this slip my mind. This wasn't intentional however. @HarryPotterView: New on DVD this week: "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1" http://sns.mx/4Hday7 I will be buying this DVD. I look forward to July when the second half will come out in the theaters.
Also this year, not until November though, the first part of Breaking Dawn comes to theaters. I definitely can't wait for that one!
Friday while at work I found out some really interesting news. I found out that we have been having a celebrity riding with us for the past few weeks and i didn't realize it till this past Friday. One of the lead singers from the oldies group, The Plattters has been taking our service back and forth from the cities to Mankato and bakc again. I have bene taking his reservations and didnt' know it was him. I even have his cell phone number as we always have to ask the passengers if they have a cell phone that they travel with. No, I don't plan on stocking him. LOL! I mean if i were famous, I wouldn't want people stocking me just because they could.
See? My mind is one big colossal mess right now and i can't stay focused on one thing. My thaughts keep jumping all over the place. I think that before trying to sleep some meditation is in order. This will help clear my mind a bit. Good night readers and I'll be bakc again when I think of something to write about or if some big event happens that needs telling about.
The tired but thinking too deeply vampiress/potions mistress,
Cissy
from I Will Remember You by the amazing Sarah McLachlan
There are times when I use song lyrics to express how I'm feeling and now seems to be one of
those times. As I sit here listening to the rain fall and the thunder in the distance getting
ever so close, my mind wanders. This is never a good thing because when my mind wanders I begin
to think way too much and I don't like thinking too deeply. Oh how I wish I could sleep but right
now it's not to be. So what do I do when I can't sleep? I turn to the oh so faithful journals.
I'm hoping that writing will give me the peace i need so that I can try and this time succeed to
sleep once again.
Today I'd like to talk about secrets, not just any secrets but relationship secrets.
Why is it that when someone claims to like you and want to be with you, they don't wish for
anyone to know? Is it because they are ashamed of you? Are they ashamed of who they are? Is it
because they have someone else in mind that they wish to be with instead and just don't want to
tell you? Are they afraid of what others will think? Are they merely playing with your head and
hoping that you won't find out? Why would someone want to keep you a dirty little secret? These
are questions that I wish I had answers to.
There is this person who shall remain nameless for right now as I don't think it's fair for me to mention names when said person isn't here to defend themselves, or explain their reasoning for feeling the way they do. So this person is interested in me and has expressed this and talks to me on a daily basis about their feelings. One day we got into a discussion about dating and they told me that if we were to get together, we'd have to hide the relationship as they don't want their friends, parents or people that live in their building to know about us. My first question to said person was of course, why? I said I don't like having to hide it when I'm with a person, if i'm with someone I want everyone to know. If I'm with someone, I'm proud to be with them and if you have to hide who you choose to date then the relationship is not worth being in. I then said I will not be someone's dirty little secret. Instead of answering my question or responding to what I had expressed, said person changed the subject and refused to talk about it anymore. I then get angry and walked away from the computer. That night after coming back to my keyboard the person in question messaged me and tried to talk to me like nothing was wrong. Now I have apparently become distant to this person and I have hurt them because of my lack of attention to them. Well, I'm sorry but it hurt me when this person said that I'd have to stay a secret. I won't do it, I can't. I have more self respect than that. If I won't be accepted by this person's family, friends or people they hang out with in their apartment building then this person needs to find someone who doesn't mind being kept hidden because that person isn't me.
That's not the only thing that has been on my mind as of late. I just feel as if I'm stuck in a rut with life and failing epically at everything. I know this isn't the case otherwise i wouldn't have my jobs and the people in my life that i care deeply about. I do miss some in my life who I feel i have lost over the past years. Right now, one friend in particular comes to mind. This friend and i used to be so close and now i feel as if I have lost him for good. We don't really talk like we used to and i feel like I don't even know who he is anymore. I know this person reads my journal and I'm hoping he will read this and we can begin to repair our friendship. I do miss him very much.
Well, the rain has relaxed me and i think I can try and sleep again. Oh how i love the sound of the falling rain and the light thunder. It's very soothing. The storm we are getting right now was supposed to be a severe one but it would appear that it isnt' going to be. I can handle this.
Yay! I in my deep thinking have let this slip my mind. This wasn't intentional however. @HarryPotterView: New on DVD this week: "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1" http://sns.mx/4Hday7 I will be buying this DVD. I look forward to July when the second half will come out in the theaters.
Also this year, not until November though, the first part of Breaking Dawn comes to theaters. I definitely can't wait for that one!
Friday while at work I found out some really interesting news. I found out that we have been having a celebrity riding with us for the past few weeks and i didn't realize it till this past Friday. One of the lead singers from the oldies group, The Plattters has been taking our service back and forth from the cities to Mankato and bakc again. I have bene taking his reservations and didnt' know it was him. I even have his cell phone number as we always have to ask the passengers if they have a cell phone that they travel with. No, I don't plan on stocking him. LOL! I mean if i were famous, I wouldn't want people stocking me just because they could.
See? My mind is one big colossal mess right now and i can't stay focused on one thing. My thaughts keep jumping all over the place. I think that before trying to sleep some meditation is in order. This will help clear my mind a bit. Good night readers and I'll be bakc again when I think of something to write about or if some big event happens that needs telling about.
The tired but thinking too deeply vampiress/potions mistress,
Cissy
